CHALLENGES ARE INITIATIONS INTO LEADERSHIP

Do you feel like you are stuck in a pressure cooker that is also a time bomb that is also a diamond-grinding wheel that is also an ascension bootcamp that is also an endurance test?

Or maybe we are all living in a secret lab where they are testing how much perseverance in the face of adversity one can actually have, how many simultaneous challenges on multiple fronts it takes to get a person to their edge…I say, all of the above is possible and somewhat true. 

At the time of this writing (early March 2018) a number of people, both clients and friends, have shared with me the sentiments more or less congruent with the metaphors above. Many have reported heightened irritability, feeling vulnerable and frightened, as well as physical symptoms like migraines and nausea, plus this unexplainably and annoyingly big gap between putting in the effort and seeing the result. Many feel suspended in space and time, and truly tested in their faith, self-belief, and trust.

Bottom line: times are intense.

And let me spare you the astrological details, because isn’t something going on in the cosmos all the time? Like, non-stop since 2012? We don’t get to blame it on the stars, cosmic energies, world politics, genetics, or anything else any longer. We don’t get to sit out another Mercury Retrograde, and go back to business as usual after another political or personal upheaval.

Something way more soulful, and purposeful is being called upon.

WE are being called upon.

BECAUSE THESE CHALLENGES ARE INITIATIONS INTO LEADERSHIP.

They are invitations to SHOW UP in even greater self-acceptance, compassion, awareness, and Light. 

They are a chance for your divinity to meet your humanness right there where it is at - no judgment and no agenda - so that your current human self can be merged with the qualities that your Soul has already mastered. These Soul qualities have to be brought down to the earthly plane - literally, incarnated - and claimed, lived into, grown into, embodied - and that is often done through trials.

Feeling the vibes?

Congratulations, you are being initiated – again.

Because well, there is no limit really to how deep one can go, how much divinity one can embody, and how much humanness one can be willing to embrace.

We can always dive deeper.

We can always shine brighter.

We can always love and forgive more, and then some.

Personally, these last days I have been working my way through exhaustion that no amount of sleep or self-care could lift, compulsive comparison hangover, plus a crisis of self-worth. Almost every day, I have been warding off self-doubt attacks, flexing my self-acceptance muscles, and extending my ability to hold an incorruptible yet loving container for my growth.

To me, navigating these challenges means getting more and more rooted in several fundamental realizations. I will now share them with you.

First and foremost:

My challenges are my divine assignments, and it is my job to show up for them.

I refuse to see them as some form of punishment or betrayal. I refuse to maintain the illusion of being a victim. Instead, I accept the invitation to rise up, and become more of who I really am.

 As a Blueprint Changer, it is literally my job description to find the twisted broken misaligned codes in my inner programming (meaning: beliefs, internalized oppression and dogma, collective illusions, false perceptions etc) and CHANGE them. And from my side this requires facing all these shadowy, dark, uncomfortable places. This requires going there, and being there, and working through it all.

Yes, a certain chunk of the emotional, mental, energetical material that I am working with did not originate in me. I am processing it on the behalf of the collective, including my Soul group(s) and ancestors. And guess what, it is still no less real, and I have to take the same degree of responsibility for it. I can’t just say “Not my circus, not my monkeys” about it, and wash it away with some Light. I gotta GO THROUGH and actually CHANGE it by the means of engaging with it. Spiritual bypassing does not apply! Lightworkers, healers, coaches, spiritual entrepreneurs, soulful creatives, rising feminine leaders, emerging change-makers, etc – you (or rather, we) do not get a “get out of jail free card” for this. Quite the opposite: we are invited to be the stars of this chaotic messy party of life. We are fully responsible for the self-healing, self-resourcing, self-love, and embodiment part.

In accepting the invitation to rise up and lead, I am using the power of my Soul to alchemize my pain into my purpose.

I see my challenges as the ultimate fuel for my growth, as material to learn and build from.

I distill precious medicine from my blood, sweat and tears, and then generously share it with others.

As I am getting healed myself, I am becoming increasingly more equipped and authorized to heal others. And what’s essential about it is that I do not get to wait until I am “fully healed” or “perfect” or “done”, because no such things exist. There is no “spiritual good girl” routine to nail. There is no end point destination (not even death).

Leadership through initiation and initiation through leadership is a perpetual movement, it happens in waves. The moment you enter the ocean, these waves just keep coming. There is no way back, and there is no panic button. The show is ON, and you are in the limelight.

Sometimes you catch a break and rest for a bit, so you can get your shit together and recharge for another round. You use this break to process and share what you have learned from the previous round. And then you go in again – because there is so much more that you can learn, and hence GIVE to others and EMBODY on this planet afterwards.

After a while, these waves and rounds of initiation are no longer a massive shock to the system. For me, each such round is a possibility to lean into surrender and trust, double down on my devotion, and tap into my reservoir of spiritual resilience. 

When it gets really tough, I follow a particular healing protocol I have developed for myself through trial and error. It starts with my favorite prayer from A Course In Miracles: “I am willing to see this differently. Please reinterpret this for me”. I use this prayer to help me rewire and change any false perceptions and untrue stories I might be upholding about my current experience. I open my mind and my Heart to the possibility of a different perspective, a higher one, the one that my Soul sees but I often cannot.

I write long letters to my Soul, to God and Goddess, sharing my pain, and asking for guidance. I book sessions with healers and talk to trusted mentors and friends. I hug trees in the park nearby. I journal the hell out of it all. I just keep at it: meditating, praying, healing, clearing, loving, accepting. Whatever it takes, however long it takes. I know that as long as I am just doing my thing, and continuously deepening my trust, self-love, and devotion, I am upholding my end of the bargain. I am showing up for my work. I am expanding my resilience. I am embodying my Soul, bit by bit. And it doing so, I am becoming free.

So, get this.

Leadership is non-linear. Spiritual evolution is not a straight line to walk.

There will be detours, rough patches of the road, hiccups, and fuckups. Guaranteed!

Expansion, leadership, and level-ups will (most likely) catch you unaware. You will feel "unprepared". Some parts of you will be very reluctant and downright unwilling to "go there". Some parts of you might start kicking and screaming, and pushing your much-desired next level liberation away, conjuring up stories and experiences of unworthiness, unlovability, not-enoughness, lack, inadequacy.

Don't fight those parts - love them.

Love them so much that they feel absolutely safe to just BE. 

There will be fear, polarity, contradiction, mess, and so much growth and glory.
Hold space. Breathe. 

Sit with your pain. Nourish your tender Heart.

And then, pick yourself back up, and walk forth. 

Walk your talk and lay down your path by walking it.

Hold on to your Soul and hold on to your Heart. 

They are the only compass you need, really.

Photo by Natalie Collins on Unsplash.com